The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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