I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Your penis caused this!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
