and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
