you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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