why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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