I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
