i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
