Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I looked at my own cervix.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my being single is dangerous.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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