I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
