Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
