I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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