I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
