It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
