dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
