I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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