I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
