She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
