well you can't waste a boner
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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