home. puking in laundry basket.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
