Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
