i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
