if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
