i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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