I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
