Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
