The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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