Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
stop calling my apartment porn island.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
