I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
