Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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