he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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