im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
