Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
