we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
false alarm, still single
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
