HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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