things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
