So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
