I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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