remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
