where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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