just come out here and I will go home with you...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
