There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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