i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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