he wants to bone in the snuggie
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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