You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
