At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
