College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
