If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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