are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
