Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
