i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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