i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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